Controlled Chaos
Connor Evans walks into the cafe where we are to hold our interview with no fewer than six items in her hands including her open sidekick, a nearly empty bottle of water and a tiny, sleeping dog. It's hard not to assume she's one of those girls, pictured with miniature mammals wherever possible as a trendy accessory. She catches my brief disparaging look immediately and launches into an apology, offering an explanation for her puppy's presence. "He was whimpering when I shut the door and it just broke my heart. It was terrible when I had to leave him for nearly all of September to go to Europe. I'm like a guilty parent, trying to make it up now." Coming from a girl whose feuds with her parents were said to provide the fuel for her raging, wild portrayal in her debut film, On the Edge, I take her at her word. Nearly two years later Connor is taking to the big screen again (with a small role in Brokeback Mountain, the small screen (in Oliver Shepherd's new music video, a cover of Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell"), the runway (New York, Paris, Milan) and if she is to be believed: music production? "Promotions, actually. Or management. I'm not sure exactly what aspects of music I want to dip my toes into but I'm having fun learning about different aspects of the business. Some parts sicken me, signing artists based on what will sell rather than seeing a talent that can be nurtured but that's why it's music business and not 'music happy fun time'. I'd like to see some changes in the industry, so I thought, why not get involved?"

Why not? Well, it's hard to see how this young model/actress will manage a fourth job in addition to her three current "passions," none of which she mentions wanting to abandon in order to explore a new career when most people her age are in school, waiting tables or working retail. She has been working non-stop for nearly all of her twenty years and has a hard-partying reputation that precedes her. It's hard to imagine when she has time to breathe, let alone take on more work. Her blue eyes look a bit cloudy and she looks exhausted as it is. As we take our seats, with her pooch snoozing on her lap, she announces, "sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had grown up 'normal,' whatever that is," quotation fingers included. "But life is what you make it. I never would have been normal."

ELLEgirl: You mentioned just returning to the states, what or who did you miss the most?

Connor Evans: My dogs, Desi and Ari. I hate taking them to the kennel but bringing them along with me isn't worth the hassle for me and the trauma for them. They hate shots just like anyone and there are different rules for everywhere you go. Plus they hate being cooped up. I don't like taking them places like I am today, where they have to sit still for too long. It just seems cruel. They need to stretch their legs!

ELLEgirl: Did you miss any person in particular?

CE: No, I had a few visitors while I was away and most of the time, I was too busy to miss anyone. I did miss my little brother a bit but we keep in touch by email, mostly. He's so much better at that computer stuff than I am. I don't have time for it. I'd like to learn more but I'm not sure how important it is for me to master MySpace like he wants me to but I'll let him teach me the next time I see him.

ELLEgirl: Sounds like family is important to you. Are you close?

CE: As close as we can be, considering my schedule and our ages. Six years feels like a big difference sometimes, especially when we've led such different lives. It's weird, he grew up right beside me, we were home-schooled together but he didn't have a career pulling him around the globe. I feel guilty, he just got pulled along with me. He's in school full-time now, but he stays with me for a couple weeks a year on vacations. My parents don't love that. They believe what they read in the tabloids, that I'm crazy, partying all the time. Sometimes that's true, I'm young and I like to let loose, but I wouldn't do that with my kid brother around. Horrible things that they read, they believe. "Cokehead Connor," all that stuff. I can't even... It's disappointing.

ELLEgirl: Point taken. What was it like to grow up modeling all around the world?

CE: I really loved it. I can't take it for granted, I know that I've been places some people only dream of going but a lot of the time I was working so hard, I never really got to sightsee. If I ever take a long-term break from work, I'd love to travel. I wish I knew how to take some time off and relax but I get bored very easily. I'm not good at staying in one place for very long, I get antsy. Canada was horrible that way.

ELLEgirl: Did you not enjoy filming Brokeback Mountain?

CE: No I did, I really did but most of the time I was up there was for a tiny bit of rehearsal, last minute fittings and I spent my free time watching everyone else work. Waiting to really work was boring. I wanted to get run over by the sheep in some of the more boring times. I had a very small part in the film but it was important for me to do it. I hadn't had any acting work in a long time.

ELLEgirl: Why is that? What kept you away from the big screen for so long?

CE: I auditioned for the role because I missed it. Acting is certainly more interesting than modeling, at least for me. I've been modeling so long and it's hard to keep things fresh and new. I'm always up for a challenge and acting does that for me. It's not natural or instinctual for me yet like I see it is for others. I don't know if it's possible to master something so abstract. With any art form, I don't know if perfection's even possible. I just know I want to get better at it. I'd been waiting for the right script or the right role. You never really know what's going to hit or miss but I just wanted to be a part of something that interested me. I didn't want to make any boring teen movies and the funny ones I read just never felt right.

ELLEgirl: What was it about Brokeback Mountain that was different?


CE: It was a lot of things. I'm more drawn to the darker side of film. I love a good comedy like anyone but so few of them work in any real meaning between the laughs and that's okay, that's what they're there for. Sometimes you need something to help you smile. I just knew that I wanted to do something different than that. When I read Brokeback, I just cried. It was real. It felt like snatches of it could have been from my life, or anyone's. Life doesn't always have happy endings or tie up nicely, sometimes you never do or say the things you should. Good doesn't always win but you don't see that story told too often. I like that I could be a part of a story like that. Plus, working with Ryan [Lockerby] was a blast. He's so great.

ELLEgirl: Are you two an item?

CE: [She laughs.] No, never have been. Just very old friends. He's almost like a second brother. It was very weird to have to call him 'daddy.' Very disturbing. Never again. But it was worth it to see him in action, he's very good at what he does. Everyone who I got to see at work was amazing. Canada was a very trying experience for most of us.

ELLEgirl: Why is that?

CE: Even though I'm sure the isolation will really make a great impact on the film, it took us completely out of our normal lives and exposed us to a kind of monotony that I know I've never experienced before, I don't know about everyone else. I felt completely outside of myself, which is good when you're trying to get into the head space of a character, I think. We certainly didn't have much to be distracted by, other than the distractions we created for each other. Those characters were so alone, even when people managed to connect, they were off somewhere else in their heads. That landscape just reinforced that, the spaces were so wide open, it was impossible to contain anything. You could still feel lonely with a crowd of people surrounding you and those characters didn't even have that. It was the perfect setting for heartbreak.

ELLEgirl: Have you had much experience with that?

CE: Some. It's only the ones you really love who have the ability to hurt you on that level and living the way I do; traveling, working all the time, I don't get close to that many people. I haven't dated in a really long time. I'm actually not that sad about that. I don't have time for anyone special. This kind of lifestyle makes people get really jealous, it's easy to see things where there isn't anything at all. I go out for coffee with someone, we must be dating. If you weren't holding a tape recorder, someone would be snapping pictures away, you'd be my new lesbian lover!

ELLEgirl: Oh really? So, there's no truth to that at all? No dates with Oliver Shepherd or Kentan Parker?

CE: Absolutely not, nothing romantic there. Kentan and I have only met a handful of times and I am actually a huge fan of his but there's nothing more to it than that. Obviously I've worked with Oliver and we get into a little trouble together but we've never dated. He's so amazing that if he asked me to quit modeling and be in his videos forever, I'd do it. He's just that much fun. If I was seeing anyone, I wouldn't be announcing it [here] but I don't mind clearing up false rumors. People just like to make up stories and rock star and model couples seem to be pretty intriguing for some reason.

ELLEgirl: Speaking of him, how did you and Oliver Shepherd meet and decide to make a video together?

CE: We'd talked a handful of times and he invited me to one of his shows. I was really impressed. He's a great performer but on top of that, he has a lot of talent to back it up, which you don't see enough these days. All of these bands out now that get run through the computer after they've hit the studio and put out a decent album but can't perform live for s--- that doesn't impress me at all. I don't get to see as many concerts as I would like, I'm never in the right cities at the right time, it seems, but there's something so much more powerful when people can show that they have just as much or more talent on their own as with a studio full of producers. Live music is much more moving, the artists and audience gets to feed off each other. It's a beautiful thing. How could I not want to be a part of that in some small way? When Oliver told me that "Rebel Yell" was going to be a single, I jumped at the chance to be in the video. I've never been a part of something like that before and it was a whirlwind. No one tells you how tedious and long the hours on a video set are, or if they had, I never listened. We exhausted ourselves but it was so much fun that it was entirely worth it. We kept each other laughing. That's pretty much what we do all the time, just try to keep each other smiling. The world is hard out there!

ELLEgirl: That sounds like a good plan.

CE: I think so. He's a great guy.

ELLEgirl: He sounds like it. What do you look for in a guy?

CE: Creativity, passion, confidence, and I know everyone says this but, a sense of humor. Being able to laugh at yourself is such an important quality and I'd like to be kept laughing too, if at all possible. A really open schedule would be a plus but I could never date anyone who wasn't driven by their own passions and that tends to keep you busy.

ELLEgirl: Where do you get the energy to stay so active all the time?

CE: I worship the caffeine gods pretty regularly but other than that, I try to eat right. I can't afford to eat crap all the time. I wouldn't have time to get to a gym if I wanted to and even if I had the time, I'd hate every minute spent on a treadmill. That's just not for me. I'd feel like I was wasting time. That's how I feel on my days off.

ELLEgirl: But if you could take a day off from everything, what would you do?

CE: [Deadpan.] Catch up on my correspondence. No, I'm not sure. I would probably be completely boring, reading books, taking naps, playing with my dogs. What I usually do with my time off is what most people would do, I'm sure. I try to catch up with friends, go visit people, go grocery shopping, all odds and ends.

ELLEgirl: So, what makes you want to take part in the music business instead of taking a break to catch up on those things?

CE: You mean aside from my rampant workaholism?

ELLEgirl: Yes. You don't really mean that, do you?


CE: To a degree, yeah, I do. I honestly don't know how to take a break and I work to the exclusion of other parts of life. Dating, for example. Being content on my own is a great thing and I think that when a girl feels like she has to have a boyfriend all the time, that's a problem too. You know, those types of girls who haven't been single for a day since she hit puberty, that's the other end of the spectrum from me but I think it's fair to say that neither way is ideal. I'm sure someday that I'll be pulled more toward the middle ground there, in everything. I'll get tired of being alone, of throwing myself into my work but right now, I love everything I'm involved with and I don't see myself giving that up any time soon. College too, I'd like to do that someday, I think. I would love to study literature someday.

ELLEgirl: And the music...

CE: The music. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to dodge the question.

ELLEgirl: Where does that fit in? It seems like an odd job among everything else you have done.

CE: That's what's so appealing about it. It's something completely different than anything I've ever tried but I'm also very passionate about it. I want to make a change in the industry if I can, even if it's only to help one single, worthy artist get their footing better in the business or to expand their fan-base. And after that, I want to direct.

ELLEgirl: You aren't serious.

CE: I am! I have the rights to a script and everything. I'm just waiting for a better time and I need to find a director who can help do it justice.

ELLEgirl: What is it about?

CE: I can't tell you that!

ELLEgirl: Okay, okay. Can you tell me what you're working on now?

CE: Other than promoting for Brokeback, nothing is set in stone. I've been cast in another movie that should be a little less traumatic than that one was but I'm not sure how much I can say about that. Everything else is up in the air. I'm done with runway for this year so that's one thing off my plate. I've been invited to go with Oliver back to England to immerse myself in the music world when he's finished with his tour so I'll probably take him up on that. I like not knowing exactly what's next. It keeps things interesting.

outtake

[ apologies for inflicting cisco adler upon your eyeballs as a very poor imitation of our lovely oliver shepherd. ]